10/12/2011

TnT Advice Column : How it works

So I have exciting news.

I have been reading a lot of advice columns recently, purely for the prose…of course… And just recently, I thought to myself – Holy Monkey Crepes – Taylor, you and Tejay should have your OWN advice column. I mean, whenever the Teej and I are brought together, we thoroughly entertain ourselves with our own problems and our own opinions, now just imagine adding OTHER peoples relationship – sex life – biking issues/questions? By golly gee, sounds like a winning combination to me!

So. Here is how this works. I have created an email address just for this:

TnTAdvice@gmail.com

Shoot ANY and ALL questions to that email address and we will pick the most juicy, most interesting, most vital advice questions as soon as we can. Any relationship problems, sex problems, bike riding problems, school problems, you name it… We’re open and incredibly opinionated.

We are gonna have fun with this!

TnTAdvice@gmail.com

(We will post your first name, and your question. If you would like to remain anonymous just say so.)

Talk soon :)

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21/10/2011

Iz nice ze mobile phone on ze toilet or vat? [BLOG]

I am on an airplane right now and thought I’d share a quick story with you.

I just went to the little boys room…just for a tinkle, nothing serious. Anyways, on my way up the aisle I had my iPhone out because I was finishing editing a secret photo I took of the man in front of me who has whiskers on his face (that is another story see: http://instagr.am/p/Q4uC0/). So I reach the little area where the stewardesses hang out, greet the small German stewardess who is brewing coffee or something along the likes of that. To be honest I didn’t look that closely. All that matters is that she said ‘hallo’ back. At this moment in time I still have my phone in hand as I enter the bathroom.

Upon entrance to the airplane bathroom, I notice how incredibly small it is, put my phone in my pocket, drain the main vein, wash my hands…then I think ‘hey, you should take a picture of how cramped it is in here for your loving twitter followers.’ I reach for my trusty phone, snap a few pics (can’t just take ONE, see: http://instagr.am/p/Q4uCq/), and open the bathroom door back up.

The small German stewardess is still doing her thing and I greet her again… To which she gives me an interesting look, eyes my phone and says:

“Iz nice ze mobile phone on ze toilet or vat?”

This question caught me off guard, I was rather unprepared to answer it so it took me a second to process if she was making fun of me or actually asking if my phone was nice to use while sitting on the toilet. I briefly flashed back to all the times that I have used my mobile phone on the toilet and considered a polite ‘why yes, it is.’

The processing began to evolve however I was able to conclude that she was in fact a short middle aged German woman who worked all day on airplanes, and that THIS was a snarky comment. A dig at my personal hygiene so to speak.

I stumbled over my words as I attempted to explain that I was taking pictures of myself in the mirror…her already raised eyebrow slowly inching further and further up her forehead. How does one get the message ‘I’M A CLEAN PERSON’ across in all-caps like that to a small German woman without explicitly saying it?

One of life’s mysteries.

After some awkward laughter on my part I admitted defeat and just walked back down the aisle to seat 7D. I am still questioning myself as to whether or not I actually did wash my hands.

Damn! I’m all insecure about my hygiene now!

:^P

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03/10/2011

McEwen’s wheel, and realizing I am still a fanboy.

I experienced an interesting moment yesterday, in stage 4 of Franco-Belge.

After Michi Schar absolutely buried himself to bring me up next to the Sky train with just under a kilometer to go, I drifted back to fight for the best wheel in the house, the wheel directly behind CJ Sutton, Team Sky’s leader. As my elbows inched outward ever so slightly, as to let whomever was already there know that I was getting ready to fight, I heard a familiar Aussie accent call my name. In what was most definitely not a shout, but not quiet enough to be a whisper (we were travelling at about 65 kph), I recognized the voice immediately.

This familiar voice belonged to Robbie McEwen.

As long as I have watched cycling, Robbie McEwen has been an idol of mine. His tenacity in the bunch, and ability to snatch stage wins away from even the most organized lead-out trains always made him easy to root for. Robbie was actually one of the first pros that I met in 2005 when my Dad took me to the Tour de France to follow for a couple weeks. That trip to France wound up being one of the main reasons I decided to race a bike, and having the ability to meet guys like Robbie in the rider’s village each morning definitely spiked my initial interest even more.

‘I want to be like these guys Dad, this is so cool.’

Over the course of this year I have had the fortune of getting to know Robbie even more, as we are now co-workers–as I am now ‘one of the guys’. Needless to say he is a classy champion and very nice and open to talk to. I still like to see him win, even though he is technically my competition.

So back to the race.

As I drifted back preparing for a fight, the 2-3 seconds following my recognizing the fact that I was about to brawl with McEwen, I experienced a condensed version of everything I have just recounted to you. I am still very much the fanboy I was back at age 15, and so when the time came to put the power to the pedals and crane the neck over to attempt to push out one of the most successful sprinters of all time, who happens to be very nice to me, and who I respect a whole heck of a lot, the power never came and I continued to drift backwards.

I ended up brawling a bit with Guardini from ISD who I had narrowly missed crashing into the day prior as he rolled along the ground in front of me. After a couple bumps I figured I’d rather stay upright than bouncing across the tarmac with a small and probably very angry Italian, and finally slotted myself in his wheel. As the sprint came I was nice and gassed from my time fighting in the wind that I lacked the big kick that powered the likes of McEwen and Guardini to 1st and 2nd on the stage. Rolling in for 8th I was satisfied but still realize that I have a lot of work to be done…

 

A big thank you goes out to my amazing teammates who believe in me each day. As I progress and keep climbing up the results sheet, I hope to pay them back for all the work they have done and energy they have sacrificed for me with some big wins!!!

 

Asta la vista baby,

 

-tp

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30/09/2011

Salt, and the Devil apparently suffers from ADHD.

Ahh salt. The holy salt! I always enjoy the superstitions that arise at bike races, salt passing and spilling being two of them. As an American, when I was growing up, if somebody asked you to pass them the salt, you grabbed the salt shaker with one of your hands, and you passed that person the salt, usually from your hand straight to their hand. I mean, it is just second nature. You are just passing salt. For most European bike racers, this is a NO NO. One thing I have had to get used to this year, is that it takes a couple extra seconds to salt your food.

Salt rule number 1: NEVER pass the salt hand to hand, always place the shaker on the table in front of the person you wish to pass it to.

It is quite comical to be passing the salt to someone who asked for it, just to have them look at you like you are crazy for holding it up in front of their face. No Taylor, I will not take the salt from your hands, put it on the table in front of me. I attempted to find the origin of this superstition online, but could only find an old saying; ‘pass the salt, pass the sorrow’. Other than that there isn’t a whole lot of info on it.

Needless to say, I don’t pass the salt hand to hand anymore at bike races for fear of being chewed out by my entire team.

Salt rule number 2: Do not spill the salt, if you do–throw some over your left shoulder.

This superstition is more commonly practiced all over the world–at least I knew about it BEFORE I raced with Euros. At our dinner table, however, when someone spills the salt it is usually followed by the entire team exclaiming NOOOO or something like AMATEUUUUUR. I’m not sure the yelling is common practice worldwide, but that is how we roll. The salt-spiller then takes more salt and throws it over his left shoulder. I looked into this superstition as well and have come to some interesting conclusions.

Back in biblical times salt was hard to come by and somewhat of a commodity. Spilling these expensive tiny white rocks of goodness was considered almost sacrilegious and left the culprit exposed to the DEVIL. The salt offender then was supposed to throw more salt over his/her left shoulder. This motion is apparently akin to blessing someone after they have sneezed and is a way of ‘keeping the devil at bay while you are in an especially vulnerable moment’. So this motion of throwing more salt over your shoulder is either to blind the Devil, since he is very predictable and only creeps up on your left side, OR it is to distract the Devil while you are cleaning up your mess.

Ok, I have a couple issues with this.

1. If this is all truth, the Devil is a dumbass. The left side, every time? Really Devil? So the last millions of times you went sneaking up on some poor innocent soul vulnerable from spilling salt, and he or she promptly blasted you in the face with MORE salt, you never once considered maybe the right shoulder was a better option?

2. The devil has ADHD. So let me get this straight. I drop salt, salt is now spilt on the table. Devil sees this and thinks ‘yeah you little sh*t, I’m gonna take your soul!’ But before he can get close enough I have already thrown more salt on the ground behind me (just wasting more of this precious commodity–no big deal). Devil sees this action and immediately gets confused and distracted by the white stuff now on the ground. And by the time he realizes why he came all this way from Hell just to take my soul in this moment of incredible vulnerability, my mess is cleaned up…and he can no longer take my soul…?

Conclusion: as a people, we are all idiots. Yes, myself included, because even though I bash them, I comply with these unwritten salt rules.

C’est la vie.

:)

-tp

 

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22/09/2011

A completely different level.

Yesterday, en route to what I would call a mediocre 15th place, I did a whole 25 more watts AVERAGE than I did at the Vuelta Time Trial where I finished 5th. I certainly gave everything I had, but it was not enough.

The Vuelta TT was a big step for me. It was the first TT of that length that I had ever done, being just shy of an hour. Yesterday was very similar, and to experience a jump of 25 watts–I could be ecstatic with that. But I am not. At the end of the day, it is not how many watts someone produces in a single day, it is how fast they go. While I am content to have technically gone faster, I realize that I have a lot of work I need to get done before I can be competitive at this level on such a stage.

Yesterday was a good indication that yes, I am improving, but these guys, Tony Martin in particular, are at a whole different level. I know I can be up there soon as I have plenty of room to grow, I just have to put in the work and the hours. I am very motivated this winter to do everything right and come out guns blazing next year.

I still have the Road Race on Sunday where I will hopefully be leading out Tyler Farrar if all goes according to schedule…

 

Thanks for all of your support, we will be on top soon enough. :)

 

-tp

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14/09/2011

My (fake) real interview w/ Phillipe Gilbert after GP Wallonie.

TP: Hey, Phil. First off, thanks for sitting down with me. I am a huge fan of yours. Congrats on today at GP Wallonie, Canada and leading the WorldTour ranking.

PG: Oh hey Taylor. Yeah thank you. I would say I’m a huge fan of yours too but I never really see you in races because I’m usually off the front. And from what I hear, you’re usually off the back.

TP: Yes, that is quite understandable. Talk a bit about your goals this year and how it has gone.

PG: (laughs) How it has gone? Um, Taylor, I’m sorry but do you watch cycling on TV? I have won everything. I don’t know if you noticed but it would appear to the general public that I have 3 legs, while everyone else, yourself included, has a mere 2. Goals? I don’t set goals. Goals are for people who are weak. I just win. Everything. It is funny because I’m actually getting tired of it… You know that electricity that courses through your body after winning a bike race? Yeah, well, too much of that can cause some serious low back pain. It is really quite annoying now but I keep winning anyways because it is how I am ‘wired’ or something.

TP: Yeah, you are really impressive.

PG: That is another thing, Taylor, stop sucking up to me. I know I am a legend in the making but Jesus H I am a person too. Relax, I’m only beastly on the bike. In person I’m a real Teddy Bear. In fact, that is what my close friends call me. Teddy Bear.

TP: Really?

PG: Don’t question me.

TP: Just wondering Phil… Jeeez I thought you were a Teddy bear.

PG: I am, just get to know me you ignorant American piece of…

TP: Phil, this is a family blog, please. So back to the interview. What are your chances for Worlds?

PG: (laughs) There you go again! Chances? Ahhhhahaha. Only mere mortals have ‘chances’. What kind of BS is that. I could win that sh…–I mean–I could win the Worlds so easily, it’s just, like I said, my back, it really hurts…from all the post ups. I can’t control it. Your friend Cadel has done a good job of limiting his winning salutes to one armed fist pumps… I need to learn something from that guy. That is a big reason why I signed for your team actually. Well, that and the cage of African lions and tigers I was promised by Och. I can’t wait to just sit in my house and play with my lions and tigers. Like me, those animals are so raw and fierce on the outside, but incredibly gentle on the inside.

TP: Wow, yeah I would be really excited to play with the lions and tigers too. Maybe I could come over?

PG: (laughs) Taylor, you really are unique… In the worst way that is. I don’t even know you, why would I invite you over to my house to play with my cats? That is asking a lot don’t you think? Plus, they would totally eat you. You are like a human gazelle. I mean, look at your nose, it is huge. You must be really good at smelling things. Is this interview over yet?

TP: Yeah, Gilby, almost. Is it alright if I call you that? I just came up with it.

PG: You may refer to me as Sir, Your Highness, or Master.

TP: Oh, OK, I apologize. Your Highness. Anyways, about your victory. I was actually there to witness it and am pretty excited about that! You are so amazing. How do you do it?

PG: God you are really getting on my nerves Taylor. Yeah, a lot of people witness my attacks, you know, since EVERYONE is BEHIND me. Jeez, you think you are special or something? Get on your hands and knees and clean my shoes.

TP bends down and begins to clean PG’s shoes.

PG: Yeah, that is better. So anyways, I attacked and I won. Everyone knew I was gonna do it, and then I did it, and then no one was surprised when I won. Luckily I had time to slowly take my hands off the bars so as not to hurt my poor back. Alright I’m done with this, goodbye Taylor. Now kiss my feet to prove to me that you did a good job cleaning them

TP kisses PG’s feet.

PG begins to hover off of the ground, puts one fist to the sky, and takes off in flight.

That all really happened! Actually, it didn’t.

A quick update from me today. Felt good, was fun to be racing again. Almost got dropped on second to last climb, hung in there until about 2km into the final climb, right before it leveled off. Blew to pieces, but witnessed a Gilbert attack, so that was cool! On to Koolskamp in two days which is more my thing. :)

-tp

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05/09/2011

My thoughts on the Radioshack-Luxembourg combine.

Wow, say it ain’t so… Hearing rumors of these two teams being welded together I could not believe it would ever happen. As of today, officially, the amount of riders and staff without jobs for next year from both sides is huge. What a disappointment.

At first with HTC folding and now Radioshack off to Luxembourg that only leaves two American teams left with WorldTour licenses for next year–us at BMC and Garmin. From four to two, just like that.

I can only hope that the good friends I have made over the years who race on both teams are well taken care of.

It is a moment like this that makes me so proud to be a part of BMC. I am truly grateful to have the stability that Andy Rihs and all of our sponsors have been able to provide for us. As I watch these incredible organisations fold, I become more and more thankful for what I have here with this team. I am very fortunate!

It is a very difficult time to be in the world of professional cycling without a contract. Let’s keep our fingers crossed for the great riders, and great staff out there now scrambling to find something.

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